Essay - Practical Book Review Reflections on James C. Peterson's Why Don't...

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Practical Book Review

***** on James C. Peterson's Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating and Connecting in Relationships

Introduction: "Hey, that's not what I meant!" Using James C. ***** 'talker-listener' card to engage in productive dialogue

Of course, ***** know how ***** communicate—I ***** how to talk, and I can hear everything people say ***** me, what more do I need to do? Why do I need to read a book, in isolation, ***** the privacy of my study that attempts to tell me how ***** should communicate with others? However, individuals who have such a re*****ction to the title of ***** Don't We ***** Better? ***** and Connecting in Relationships by Ja*****s C. Petersen (2007) should remember ***** there is a difference between listening ***** hearing, ***** really engaging with others in meaningful communication versus simply exchanging words. Peterson's text attempts to give the reader effective strategies to improve personal communication processes. His approach can be useful to pastors, counselors, teachers, or simply everyone involved in a rel*****tionship who wants to ***** his or her ***** skills.

The book begins by examining why communication processes so often go awry. One of the core concepts ***** the work is that the ***** emotional people are, and the more emotionally attached they are to a p*****rticular point of view, the harder it is for them to l*****ten. Their listening capability, if not their hearing capability shuts down. Peterson calls this the 'flat brain theory' of *****, where stomachs are in overload, filled with ego rather than openness. This causes hearts grow bricklike ***** unresponsive to the emotional appeals of *****. The courtroom process ***** adversarial interaction ***** than a me*****ningful negotiation of common views are the primary paradigm of our modern culture. While courtroom battles may look like win-lose, they are in reality lose-lose. Using the courtroom approach is counterproductive ***** our usual, primary goal when communicating. In everyday l*****e our primary ***** ***** not to be victors over others, but friends with our neighbors, loved ones, and colleagues. Reducing emotional disturbances, clarifying thinking, increasing self-confidence, and building supportive friendships are all essential to counteract our fallible and all-too-human tendency to fall into negative cultural and personal patterns ***** relating to others. Becoming a good listener reduces conflict and also makes us ********** storytellers ***** better people

Peterson offers what he ***** the 'talker-listener' card or a kind of imaginary or invisible third person, a mediator to initiate ***** ***** division. Playing ***** ***** rules ***** the conversational game, taking turns, and not ***** in a war like street fighters all ensure ***** ***** ********** engaged in the communicative process are listening as well ***** talking. Peterson makes communication in***** a very liter*****l *****, ***** accessories as well as rules. During his *****s *****shops, he takes manila cards and writes t***** word 'talker' ***** 'listener' on either side. This creates a sense of role-play to conversation—one person is not fixed in a s*****gular role of listening or talking, which *****ten results


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