Essay - Practical Book Review Reflections on James C. Peterson's Why Don't...

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Practical Book Review

Reflections on James C. Peterson's Why Don't We Listen Better? Communicating and Connecting in Relationships

Introduction: "Hey, that's not what I meant!" Using ***** C. Peterson's 'talker-listener' card to engage in productive dialogue

Of course, I know how to communicate—I ***** how to talk, and I can hear everyth*****g people say ***** me, what more do I need to do? Why do I need to read a book, in isolation, in the privacy of my study that attempts ***** tell me how I should communicate with others? However, ********** who have such a re*****ction to the title of Why ***** We Listen Better? *****ommunicating ***** ***** in Relationships by Ja*****s C. Petersen (2007) should remember ***** there is a difference between listening and hearing, between really engaging with ***** in meaningful communication versus simply exchanging words. Peterson's text attempts ***** give the reader effective strategies to improve personal communication processes. His approach can be useful to pastors, counselors, teachers, or simply everyone involved in a rel*****tionship who wants to improve his or her ***** skills.

The book begins by examining why communication processes so often go awry. One of the core concepts of the work is that the ***** emotional people are, and the more emotionally attached they are to a particular point of view, the harder it is for them to l*****ten. Their listening capability, if ***** their hearing capability shuts down. Peterson calls this the 'flat brain *****ory' of listening, w*****e stomachs ***** in overload, filled with ego rather than openness. This causes hearts grow bricklike and unresponsive to the emotional appeals ***** others. The courtroom process of adversarial interaction ***** than a ***** negotiation of common *****s are the primary paradigm of our modern culture. While courtroom battles may look like win-lose, they are in reality lose-lose. Using the courtroom approach is counterproductive ***** our usual, primary goal when communicating. In everyday l*****e our primary goal ***** not to be victors over others, but friends ***** our neighbors, loved ones, ***** colleagues. Reducing emotional disturbances, clarifying thinking, increasing self-confidence, and building supportive friendships ***** all essential to counteract our fallible ***** all-too-human tendency to fall into negative cultural and personal patterns ***** relating to others. Becoming a good listener reduces conflict and also makes us better storytellers and ***** *****

Peterson offers what he calls the 'talker-listener' card or a kind of imaginary or invisible third person, a medi*****t***** to initiate dialogue ***** division. Playing ***** ***** rules ***** the conversational game, taking turns, ***** not engaging in a war like street fighters all ensure ***** ***** individuals engaged in the communicative process are listen*****g as *****ll ***** talking. Peterson ***** communication ***** a very literal *****, with accessories as well as rules. During his communications *****shops, he takes manila cards and writes the word 'talker' ***** 'listener' on ei*****r side. This creates a sense of role-pl*****y ***** conversation—one person is not fixed in a s*****gular role of listening or talking, which ***** results


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