Launches Directly Into Its Central Term Paper

Pages: 4 (1460 words)  ·  Bibliography Sources: 0  ·  File: .docx  ·  Level: College Senior  ·  Topic: Disease

SAMPLE EXCERPT . . .
Huddled together as it is, we are told steps that the organization intends to implement but have no idea why they wish to do so.

5) Did the paper leave you with an adequate understanding of the topic? If not, how might it be improved

The paper seems to me to be in disarray. It would have benefited from an introduction that should have delineated (a) the problem of the country (namely HIV (b) the objective (or objectives) of the organization (c) something of its history (d) possibly the outcomes of the organization (its success and failures), and (e) the objectives of the brief. The brief then would have dedicated itself to covering those points. And all of this would have been followed by a conclusion that would have not only summed up those aforementioned points but also stated the intentions and future directions of the organization. As it is, all of this is lacking and the result is a murky essay (at least so it seemed to me) that serves only to confuse and tire the reader.

The introduction does tell us that "The Expected response of the Ministry of Education is outlined in this document. Key points include;" and then proceeds to list the objectives:

Include HIV / AIDS education in teaching curricula

• Promote peer education

• Use effective communication and appropriate technology

• Strengthen civic education

• Mainstream HIV / AIDS into education

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The fact that it is bulleted makes us think that the essay would stylize these as its subheadings, organizing its information according to their categories. This, however, is not the case with the essay using subheadings but these subheadings taking the format of programs.

I would also have the brief closely reviewed to make sure that it is free of grammatical errors. There is, for instance, at least one place where a semi-colon is used in the place of a colon.

Another problem lies in the fact that the paper is disjointed. We are told that:

Term Paper on Launches Directly Into Its Central Assignment

"In July 2005, HAPCO launched a Monitoring and Evaluation Network with the aim of linking M&E / planning professionals from key government sectors, civil society, and international agencies."

The brief then devotes a paragraph to discussing the work of the MOE jumping from that to the way that HIV is addressed in the school curriculum before returning to the organization's work at the present. Instantly again, without any break or prelude it returns to 2003 before talking about 2004 and the problems of the system. Everything is jumbled.

Ironically, the brief tells us that "There appears to be little coordination of HIV / AIDS higher education initiatives in or between the seven universities in Ethiopia." It seems as though external problems may be mirrored by internal problems. If HAPCO is indeed responsible for this brief, as it claims itself to be, it seems as though it needs to organize its thinking at the very basic levels Lack of clarity in its presentation of its goals seems to be replicated in its practical presentation of its goals (namely, at the very higher echelons). It may have profited from greater clarity in its written presentations.

Part of the disarray includes the fact that whilst some of its Ministries are italicized not all are. The Ministry of education, for instance is included ad hoc in the middle of some sentence. A greater quantity of subheadings with more bulleted items would have been useful.

The topics too are imbalanced with some topics (for instance point (1)) covering a quantity of place, whilst point 2 is limited to a paragraph or two.

There are also too many styles in separating topics and these styles make the piece confusing. Finally (although not exclusively), the piece ends with a bulleted theme. I would follow that bulleted theme with a summarizing sentence before concluding the whole with a conclusion that summarizes the brief -- the introduction, history, goals, problems of the organization -- as well as future plans and recommendations for the institution. It seems to me as though the whole is a draft rather than a polished copy. It needs a… [END OF PREVIEW] . . . READ MORE

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